(This was supposed to be 5 ways to fill an album with an extra section under the heading of "covers". However I ran out of time and effort by the end. Bite me, write your own blog that no one reads.)
1. Intro's
I hate intro's. They are a waste of time and effort, in my eyes they are songs that have been written to a half way point, the band have got bored, can't think of anything else to write or are just too fucking punk rock to finish the song (fuck the rules man punk rawk 4eva).
Intro's seem to be really, really popular in the Hardcore genre. They usually start with a drone of the E string to "get the crowd going" or some shit. I understand that if the band are playing a show but when you hear an intro 9/10 times your listening to an album and unless your a prick or suffer from ADHD you won't be running round your bedroom punching the walls. Here's an example of these core as fuck bad boy "songs":
2. Instrumentals
Generally instrumentals are rubbish. There's no two ways around it. Now don't get me wrong I'm not talking about good instrumentals I.E Pink Floyd's wonderful Great Gig In the Sky. I'm talking about when punk/hardcore/metal bands try to do instrumentals. When half the song is feedback building up to a disappointing premature ending (the sort that this blog title refers to).
It is rare to pick up a CD (or vinyl if that's your thing) nowadays and not hear a lengthy, dull instrumental that doesn't really go anywhere. I'am not trying to slate the instrumental genre as their are some awesome bands doing some pretty cool things (Brontide, As I Watch You From Afar etc etc) but I just feel let down when bands I know and love for doing standard song structures do the same thing but without any lyrics on an album, it just doesn't make sense. Anyway here are two prime suspects for boring instrumentals:
3. "Fillers"
Everyone knows the songs I'm talking about, the type of song that the band have no intention of playing live, releasing as a single or even listening to again. The type of song that the band wrote so the collection of songs could be called an album as it didn't have enough songs without it. These songs really get on my nerves there are no need for them. I would much rather have an album with less tracks on but overall a better listen. Their have been some examples of short albums that I have really taken a liking to at the moment, the first one has got to be The Mourning After by UK metal band Last Witness. The album has 8 tracks of toxic riffs and face punching vocals loud enough to make Corey Taylor lay a fresh steaming turd on his bathroom floor. My next example of a short but sweet album is Joyce Manor's latest release 'Of all things I soon grow tired' (see my earlier posts for details)
Before I start rambling on about cool short albums take a pick of a few prime suspects of all filler no killer (cheers Sum 41 I was really struggling to think of something to write...)
'Hidden Tracks'
I've never understood the name "hidden track". This is because they are about as hidden as a casino in Las Vegas, when you are a punk/hardcore/metal or any other heavy sort of genre your songs are usually under 5 minutes long (unless you sing about dragons, never get laid and still live with your parents). So when you see the last track of an album is 15 minutes long you start to scratch your head. Since when did my favorite band that write about partying and "picking up bitches" start playing World of Warcraft? Then you listen to it intrigued in the unknown mystery of the long song and you get to the 4 minute mark and the song is over...What the hell... Wheres the rest? and then five minutes later there it is, a boring, usually acoustic piece of shit that no one cares about.
The main culprit of this godawful crime is Glassjaw on 'Everything you ever needed to know about silence' one of my favorite albums ever recorded until you get to the last song, well what you think is the last song. Ages after one of the best songs of the album you get some stripped down piano song that is quite frankly shit and unnecessary, leave that shit for your own time Daryl!
This will enrage a lot of fans that like Glassjaw however the people that will be angry are going to be the same fans that if the band did a shit in a CD case sent it to their house with a label on the front saying "new album, its shit btw" would think that it is an iconic, master piece because its "never been done before". No your fucking wrong, it has been done before but the person that did it is know in a mental hospital shitting and pissing himself every time someone walks past his padded cell.
Peace!
Max.
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